I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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