youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
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You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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