i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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