there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
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If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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