he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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