Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize