I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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