once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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