omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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