I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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