I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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