Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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