Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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