The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
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just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
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Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize