I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize