i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
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It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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