i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
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The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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