I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Randomize