Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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