No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
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Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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