Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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