No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
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My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
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I think pants incapable of making pants work
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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