he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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