I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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