Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize