So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
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do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The ass gains better be worth it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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