I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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