Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize