I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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