I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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