So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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