Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize