Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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