I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize