apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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