Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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