He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
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well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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