So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
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I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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