I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My ass is underappreciated
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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