better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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