He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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