please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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