I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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