i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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