I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize