i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
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Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He shit in the fireplace
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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