Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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