so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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