So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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