Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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